Young children are only capable of understanding things that they have learned in life. The young mind is formed primarily through experience and learning what is comprehensible to them at their young age. When they are told something they do not fully understand, so begins the process of formative thought where a child comes up with their own solutions and answers to the questions and the problems that they face.
At a young tender age, before hitting puberty, it is hard for a child to fully understand what it means to be adopted. Particularly for those children who are told that they themselves are adopted. Without a proper chat about the circumstances of adoption and who someone is adopted, and what it means for the amount of love they receive for who. A proper discussion should take place if an adopted child who previously did not know that he is adopted finds out. Depending on whether or not it was an open or closed adoption, answer your child’s questions best you can and let them know you are there for them when they need to talk.
Adoption is a very tender subject for adopted kids, and often, one of the most common reactions from a child when they find out they are adopted is the feeling that their birth parents didn’t love them. While they cannot fully understand the situation that parent’s face when they are forced to put up a kid for adoption, explain to them that it was not a matter of whether or not their parent’s loved them, it’s more so that their parents loved them so much that they wanted to be sure that they were given a better situation in life to be taken care of by their adoptive parents. Birth parents put their kids up for adoption because they want a better life for their kids that they are not capable of providing.
If a child has continued questions based on who their parents were, and what type of people they were, it is up to your discretion on how you want to go about answering these questions. The most important rule to follow is to only be honest with them however possible. Whether that be telling them the truth of their parents or telling your child about what you are legally able to discuss with them and help them understand that there is only so much they can know, but know that they were brought into your family to be given a good life and to be loved unconditionally.
Adopting a kid is all about showing them the love that they need, especially upon discovery, and helping them cope with their issues best they can. A common issue adopted children will is feeling a sense of being alone if they do not have their birth parents love. It’s an adoptive parents responsibility to always let their child understand your level of caring, gratitude, love, and affection for them that they are in your life. Build a sense of trust between you and the child and make sure their is a growing bond and relationship so as to prevent the child from ever getting the sense of solitude from a loving family.
Each adoption situation is different from another because while many of us have had similar experiences, none of us think exactly the same and every issue must be dealt with tenderly and with love and care.